“Why are you wearing white?"

Little boy: A little boy, at a wedding looks at the bride and asks, “Why are you wearing white?”
Bride: Bride replies, “The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”
Little boy: A little boy then asks the groom: “Well then, why are your wearing black?”

My wife refuses to sleep alone

Man: A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia.
Doctor: The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, “Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you.”
Man: “I know,” said the man, “but I can’t. My wife refuses to sleep alone.

"It is 5.00am; wake up."

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5.00 am.” The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed … it said… “It is 5.00am; wake up.”

I could have been free!

A married couple went out to a nice restaurant to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. While driving home the wife saw a tear coming from her husband’s eye. “Are you happy that we have spent 50 splendid years together?” she said. He said, “No. I was just thinking about our wedding and how your father threatened me with a shotgun that if I didn’t marry you right then he would have me thrown in prison for 50 years. Tomorrow I could have been free!”

Window

A husband frantically calls hotel management from his hotel room,

“Please come fast I’m having an argument with my wife and she says she will jump out the window of your hotel”. .

The manager responded, “Sir that’s a personal matter. .

Husband: “The window won’t open! That’s a maintenance matter !”

Duck in the bar

A Duck tries to walk into a bar

A duck tries to walk into a bar, but he is stopped by the bouncer.

“One dollar cover,” says the bouncer.

The duck has a bill, so he waddles right in.

Five minutes later, a turtle tries to walk into the bar.

“One dollar cover,” says the bouncer.

The turtle has a greenback, so he walks right in.

Five minutes after that, a skunk tries to walk into the bar.

“One dollar cover,” says the bouncer.

The skunk walks away disappointed, for he only had a scent.